1 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:30,370 He had no idea how to take care of himself. 2 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,204 He used to condition, then shampoo. 3 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:34,049 He didn't even know how to change a diaper. 4 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:36,851 - How could I leave my baby with that? - Maybe nobody taught him. 5 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:39,571 And maybe he's a dumb-ass. 6 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:44,328 But still, I feel really bad for missing her first birthday. 7 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,243 It's a big one, you know. 8 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,007 - Hurry up! - Can I rinse off? 9 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:52,367 They used to hold an empty one for Red. 10 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,126 - Ow! That hurts. - Move it! Do it in the fucking sink! 11 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,725 Gracias. 12 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,808 What the- 13 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:05,211 Aw, man. 14 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:07,841 Ew. 15 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,651 All right, everybody out now. Let's go. 16 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:14,964 Is that- Is that caca? 17 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:19,921 All right, listen up. We've got plumbing issues in Spanish Harlem. 18 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,446 Shit's flooded, and we gotta get to work. 19 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,602 - So? - So they wanna cut. 20 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,170 Aw, man, no, fuck that. 21 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:28,527 You want breakfast? That's how it is. 22 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,967 - The fuck? - Excuse me. 23 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:35,602 But my girls are not inclined to offer special privileges. Not in our bathroom. 24 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,444 Your girls? 25 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,124 When did that happen? 26 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,044 Ladies, get on line. 27 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:46,045 Yeah. You violating an unspoken social contract, bitch. 28 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:50,569 What the fuck you call me? 29 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,410 Cut it out! Get over here! 30 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,881 - What is going on? - She fucking punched me. 31 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,964 I didn't punch- I pushed her like this. 32 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:03,246 Oh! 33 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:04,731 Oh, my God! 34 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,245 You see that? 35 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,005 - Dramatic. Oh, come on, sister. - Don't “sister” me. 36 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,811 I'm writing you a shot. 37 00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:13,524 - What? - Officer- 38 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:16,001 - This ain't even their bathroom. - What, you want a shot too? 39 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:24,923 Don't ever call a black guard “sister.” Don't do that. 40 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,809 Go. 41 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:31,842 The following inmates have passes. 42 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,410 Goldman, Guiterra- 43 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:34,970 Get out. 44 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:58,400 Ripped By mstoll 45 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:05,885 Dios mío. 46 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,125 Mira. 47 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:35,243 Sorry. You can't buy beer with food stamps. 48 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,322 Just take it. 49 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:38,851 Excuse me? 50 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,604 It's a $100 EBT card. 51 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,728 Just give me $50. Everybody knows you do this shit. 52 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,162 Forget it. 53 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,730 Yeah. 54 00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:53,366 Take a hike. 55 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,727 We don't do that shit here. 56 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:58,041 You got the wrong store. 57 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:00,964 Fifty. 58 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,322 Minus the cost of the beer. 59 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,448 Ha! 60 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,768 All of the girls must want to have sex. 61 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,320 Yes, Chang. We know. It's not a rape contest. 62 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,368 - What contest? - We're having a bang-off. 63 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:56,889 All the girls must be here on camp. 64 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,645 Really? You mean we can't pull from the local bars? 65 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,087 Yeah. How about, uh, all girls must be human? 66 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,128 Or would that be a problem for you, Boo? 67 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:07,090 That happened one time. 68 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,810 We were drunk. 69 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:12,282 - So, do they have to come for it to count? - Excellent question. 70 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:16,331 “Have to”? Son, with me, they always come. 71 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,721 Oh. Only once? That's so sad. 72 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:22,407 Hey, Chang, do we get extra points for multiples? I'm the queen of excess. 73 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:27,327 No double points. But different girls with different points. 74 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:32,169 - What is that? - Score sheet. 75 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:34,049 Trim, six. 76 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,849 Chapman, three. 77 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:39,083 I don't wanna play the game. Don't put me in that. 78 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,522 - Three out of what? - Ten. 79 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,682 Ten's like a guard, right? 80 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,081 And one's like a- That girl. 81 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:51,085 I am so more than a three. I am not easy. 82 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:54,562 You're slutty, not easy. There's a difference semantically. 83 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:58,281 Yeah, you're not easy. You only fucked your worst enemy. 84 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:02,843 Alex was not my enemy at the time... that I knew. 85 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,368 It was complicated. 86 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:08,809 She has that effect on me. 87 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:12,043 Me too. Love to get my dick in her mouth. 88 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,561 Maybe she'll come back in time for the game. 89 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,605 Don't count on it. 90 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:21,765 Hey. 91 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,406 - What are y'all playing? - Nothin'. 92 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,960 A game as old as time. 93 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,407 Oh, yeah? What's it called? 94 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:31,925 Exclusion. 95 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,088 Cool. How do you play it? 96 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,688 Man, it's bullshit, man. 97 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:45,570 I already got two shots for being late to the warehouse. 98 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,246 Now I got another for trying to keep from being late? 99 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,971 - This is our bathroom. - Mm-hmm. 100 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:52,929 - When I was here last time- - Oh, God. 101 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,490 We've heard. 102 00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,244 That was back in the good ol' days... 103 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,971 when you could stab a bitch in her sleep and nobody said nothin'. 104 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,725 Oh, I'm sorry. Do you like being every woman's doormat? 105 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:02,881 Oh. 106 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,042 Who said anything about being a doormat, man? 107 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:06,849 Shit, I'm my own doormat. 108 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,400 Uh, yes, but a doormat to where? 109 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,882 I am telling you, unless we do something now... 110 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,645 this is gonna become the way it is- 111 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,563 Spanish running things. 112 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,608 And we can't look to the screws for help. 113 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:22,411 “Screws”? Man, you are old. 114 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:26,280 Mm-hmm. I'm just saying those girls need to learn some manners. 115 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,761 - Mmm. - I know what you saying. 116 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,008 - Do you, baby? - Mm-hmm. 117 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:34,368 Fork on the left, knife on the right. 118 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:37,205 Little fork on the outer left. 119 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:40,727 - It's cold out here. - You'll warm up once we get working. 120 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,247 Irma, you and Frieda start pulling weeds out of the floor. 121 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,324 Taslitz and Jimmy and I will start clearing out this junk. 122 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,204 Oh, I can't stay long. 123 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,442 Jack is taking me to the movies tonight. 124 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,522 - Okay. - We need to get there early. 125 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,602 There'll be a huge line for Easter Parade. 126 00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:57,921 Jimmy, maybe you'll help pull weeds, huh? 127 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,401 All right, but I have to go soon. 128 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:03,723 Girls, give me a hand with this, huh? 129 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:07,441 - What? - You said this greenhouse club would be relaxing... 130 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:09,045 give us time away from the noise. 131 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,088 You didn't say nothin' about hauling wood. 132 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,162 You want to get warm or not? 133 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,407 - Good morning, ladies. - Good morning, Mr. Healy. 134 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:19,528 Is that Jack? 135 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:20,567 Oh. 136 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,322 Quite a little challenge you've set for yourself, Red. 137 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,971 Yes, I'm getting that feeling. 138 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,168 Ladies, would you mind if I spoke to Red for a minute? 139 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:30,969 Uh, not at all. 140 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,202 Uh, we'll go help pulling weeds. 141 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:42,968 So, they're putting up a production of Our Town at Litchfield High tonight. 142 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:46,203 You think maybe that'd be a good thing to take Katya to see? 143 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:50,604 I don't know. I'm not familiar with the actors at that particular high school. 144 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,010 I thought maybe a little culture would be nice. 145 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,607 Mostly, I just wanna get away from her mother for the evening. 146 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,244 Or we could just go to dinner. They just opened an Italian place. 147 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,368 - What do you think? - Healy. 148 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:10,727 We had an agreement back when I ran the kitchen. 149 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:14,885 You scratched my back, and I told you when it was time to trim your ear hairs. 150 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:18,521 But I don't need my back scratched anymore. 151 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,329 And I'd rather be left alone. 152 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,323 I'm just asking your opinion. 153 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:27,370 Skip the play. Take her to dinner. 154 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,124 Italian? 155 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,282 What, romantic Indian? Come on. 156 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,406 All right. Thank you. 157 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,881 Hey, Healy, can we get a space heater in here? 158 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,804 I'll look into it. Probably not. 159 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,725 Shit licker. 160 00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:45,330 Can we grow pot? 161 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,725 I heard from my cousin... 162 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,962 that the whole front of the building on the corner fell off... 163 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,202 and crashed onto the sidewalk. 164 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,806 Yeah. Boom. 165 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,484 Hey. 166 00:11:57,560 --> 00:12:01,007 - Check out the antisuicide poster. - Oh. 167 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:05,244 You think someone tried to do it in- like, right in here? 168 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:07,288 Maybe right where you're sitting? 169 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,840 - Oh, Cal. - What? It's just a question. 170 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:14,005 Piper. Oh, what a relief. 171 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,128 - Oh! - What? 172 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:20,170 Oh, she was worried that you wouldn't be pretty anymore. 173 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,685 - Hey. - Hey. 174 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,531 Ah. I told you, she won the fight. 175 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,410 That's right. I kicked ass. 176 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:31,804 I spent three weeks in solitary confinement just thinking “winner.” 177 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:34,201 - Yeah. - Oh, Piper. 178 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,647 Did Larry come to visit you? 179 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,962 No. And he won't be coming to visit me. 180 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,486 I told you. We broke up. 181 00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,882 Well, his earning potential was questionable. 182 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,804 I was hoping that you would have, like, a gnarly scar. 183 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:53,407 - Add character... and mystery. - There's still time. 184 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,962 You'll find another man. I can help you. 185 00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,611 - There's no need for that. - No, I want to. 186 00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:03,207 - Wasn't Neri supposed to come? - Yes. They wouldn't let her in. 187 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,760 There was some issue with her background check. She's in the lobby. 188 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:07,444 I tell you what I find most disturbing... 189 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:11,366 is that it looks almost exactly like my old high school in here. 190 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,125 Same cinder block construction, low ceilings... 191 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:16,487 oppressive fluorescent lighting. 192 00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:20,610 I wonder if that's intentional, like part of the punishment. 193 00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,365 If so, kudos to the government... 194 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:26,363 because it's genius. 195 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,008 And where's Daddy? 196 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,803 - He didn't wanna see me? - Of course he did, darling. 197 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,405 Something came up. 198 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,482 Nothing came up. You don't have to lie to me. 199 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,642 - He doesn't want to see me in here. - That's right. 200 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,927 No, Cal. 201 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,162 That is not right. You can't let her think that. 202 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,242 - Well, it's better than the other thing. - No. 203 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,766 - What other thing? - It's nothing. 204 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:54,606 Well, then, if it's nothing, can you at least tell me what it is? Cal? 205 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:58,969 We agreed that we shouldn't tell you. But you can guess. 206 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,247 Oh, no. ls it bad? 207 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:02,850 - Mmm. - Oh, stop it, Cal. 208 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,241 - This is not appropriate. - What is not appropriate? 209 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:08,961 I am an adult who is in prison. I can handle things. 210 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,651 You have to tell me what it is, goddamn it. 211 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:15,403 Did Daddy lose his job? 212 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,562 - Did your house burn down? - No. 213 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,244 Did my house burn down? 214 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,642 - No, darling, it isn't property. - No hints, please. 215 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,609 - So it's a person. - Ah. 216 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:27,650 Is Daddy sick? Dead? Is Daddy dead? 217 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:29,888 Darling, Daddy is fine. 218 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:33,362 Aside from his cholesterol, but he's taking fish oil for that. 219 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,761 Keep going. You're getting warmer. Daddy's fine, but- 220 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:39,686 Danny. Polly. Larry. Grandmother. 221 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:42,047 Grandmother's dead. Gran- Dying. Grandmother's dying! 222 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,168 Yes! Grandmother's dying. 223 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,163 Grandmother's dying! 224 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,485 Oh, no. 225 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:59,008 Oh, my God. 226 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,607 Mendoza. Your people are not authorized to use the “B” dorm bathroom. 227 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,205 You have your own bathroom. 228 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,760 Is that what you call that place with the fountains of caca? 229 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,081 I'm getting a plumber. 230 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:15,970 - When? - When I get authorization from Fig... 231 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,565 when she gets back from Albany. 232 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,688 Well, in the meantime, don't you think your kitchen workers... 233 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:21,603 should have a sanitary place to go... 234 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:25,127 especially since they're the ones taking the crust off your sandwiches? 235 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,691 You didn't even ask. You just stormed in. 236 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:36,408 Mr. Caputo, can my people use the “B” dorm bathroom, please? 237 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:40,809 Fine. You can share it. For now. 238 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,125 Thank you. 239 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,965 By the way, can I have a candle for my office? 240 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:49,010 You wanna light a candle? Go to church on Sunday. 241 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,287 Use one of the electric ones. 242 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,806 Don't get cocky with me, Mendoza. 243 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:57,407 You're important, but you're replaceable. Don't forget that. 244 00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,563 Cecily Phillips, report to the warden's office. 245 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:24,565 Gloria. 246 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,970 - Arturo! - Hey! 247 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:55,280 Benito! Julio! 248 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:04,849 Florecita! 249 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,482 Who are you praying for, Tía? 250 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,644 Tu mamá. 251 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:52,247 You're gonna cook this very slow for a couple of hours. 252 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,766 Make sure the meat is very tender, so- 253 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,047 Gruber's out of play. 254 00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:58,690 Who's Gruber? 255 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,650 Oh. What, the freckly girl with the giant forehead? 256 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,371 In the woodshed, behind the band saw. 257 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,169 Everybody else was making a shelf... 258 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:09,722 and we were making L-O-V-E. 259 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:13,088 Oh, yeah? Well, I'm not sure that's how you spell “gross,” but congratulations, Boo. 260 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,288 You got yourself a one-pointer. 261 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,488 Boob in the hand is worth two in the bush. 262 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:19,608 Oh, yeah? Well, it's only the bush that counts. 263 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,160 But, hey, keep it up. 264 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:25,881 There's plenty other nickel slots in low self-esteem city. 265 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:30,164 You want me, I'll be playing for big money at a private table. 266 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,322 Well, by that, you must mean playing with yourself... 267 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,243 'cause I don't see you playing with anybody else. 268 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:35,845 Oh, no? 269 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,448 Hey, Officer Fischer. 270 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,444 Hey, um, would you mind turning the volume up for me on the television? 271 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,045 It's just- It's kind of low. 272 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,009 Oh, sure, Nichols. 273 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,890 Hey, thanks. Hey. 274 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:53,169 Uh, you look lovely today, by the way. 275 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:57,086 - Oh. Well, thank you. - Sure. 276 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:04,322 See? I'm not interested in running some sweaty, fallopian relay race. 277 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,721 I look at this like an art form. 278 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,087 You're out of your depth. 279 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,922 My depth has no depth. 280 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,002 I'm a sexual Steve Jobs... 281 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,845 and that bitch is worth 10 points. 282 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,810 And I made reservations at the Spaghetti Factory. 283 00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:23,644 You should have asked me. 284 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,324 I made plans with Ulya. 285 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,085 Well, I'd really appreciate it if you could reschedule. 286 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:29,161 What? 287 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:54,365 Can you please speak English? 288 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,410 Why we speak English? Why not you speak Russian? 289 00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:59,448 Why? Because you live in America now! 290 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,569 And I don't think it's so horrible for me to wanna do something nice together! 291 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,569 You can see Ulya any day of the week! 292 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,650 It's not like you have to go to a job or anything! 293 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:15,890 I'm sorry. 294 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:21,286 I- I didn't mean to lose my temper. 295 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,764 Maybe we could all go out someplace together. 296 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,969 Or if you don't feel like eating, we can go see a play. 297 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,521 I want to spend time with my friend. 298 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:53,009 Right, which is why I said Ulya's welcome to come. 299 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,484 You don't have any friends, Sam. 300 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:22,121 Yo. The water pressure's so much better in the ghetto. 301 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:25,090 - I know, right? - It's fucked up. 302 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:29,290 It's like they're getting special privileges and we the black people. 303 00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:31,203 Hey, wait. Where the fuck are my shoes? 304 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,204 Where are my fucking shoes? 305 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,650 This was in my bed. 306 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,324 Hey, ladies. 307 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,965 You better get to moving. 308 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:43,567 If you don't hurry, you gonna be late for work. 309 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:45,130 Dig! 310 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:51,409 Oh, fuck. It's on. 311 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:54,404 Somebody start untangling this shit. 312 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:02,882 What's the matter with you? 313 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:05,370 Nothing. 314 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:11,244 My grandmother is sick. 315 00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:12,845 Oh. 316 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,207 I thought maybe I caught you with the porn. 317 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,601 A sick babushka's nothing to be ashamed of. 318 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,524 I don't wanna bore anyone with my problems. 319 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,285 All problems are boring until they're your own. 320 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,286 - Count time! - You must stand at count. 321 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:34,081 You must stand at count under Code 320. 322 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,004 What happened? 323 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,607 She scraped her foot turning laps in the pool. 324 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,126 When it wasn't healing, she went in to see the doctor... 325 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:46,363 and it turns out her kidney levels were off the chart. 326 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:49,523 So they put her on dialysis, and then she got an infection. 327 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,090 That's how it happens. 328 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:55,131 It all goes at once, like internal organ dominoes. 329 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,044 I'm sorry. That's probably not what you want to hear, hmm? 330 00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:01,488 No, it's all right. I'm not looking for sympathy. 331 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,847 I'm trying to follow your lead actually. 332 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:07,163 Be strong. Suffer in silence. 333 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,248 I like the silent part. 334 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,561 She might pull through. 335 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:15,725 Anyhow, what is it that they say? 336 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:19,282 - “Hang on tightly, let go lightly”? - What? 337 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:21,966 It's something that Clive Owen says in the movie Group/er. 338 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:23,883 This is supposed to be comforting? 339 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:27,328 It probably would be comforting if Clive Owen were here to say it. 340 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,563 Fuck Clive Owen. Don't ever let go. 341 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,647 Not until they make you. 342 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:43,010 All the water from this bathroom goes out this pipe under the floor here. 343 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:46,402 Until it's cleared, you're gonna have all the water and effluvia. 344 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:49,609 It's gonna be coming out of the pipe every time you have the showers going. 345 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,126 Well, why? What's the actual problem? 346 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,608 It depends. The snake's not long enough to reach it, so it's probably roots. 347 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:57,967 Mr. Caputo, may I speak to you for a moment? 348 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:00,644 What the hell do you think you're doing? 349 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,609 I didn't sign off on an outside contractor. 350 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:04,205 I made an executive decision... 351 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:08,080 when you decided not to come to work yesterday or this morning. 352 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,640 I had a press conference. 353 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,604 My husband is running for state senate. 354 00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:18,203 Well, this is Jeremy. He's running for plumber of the prison, where we work. 355 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,442 There's a CO trained in plumbing. 356 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,291 - His name is Kanarick. He's been here already. - And? 357 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:26,728 This isn't gonna get unclogged. You're gonna have to remove the whole exit pipe. 358 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,484 How much is that gonna cost? 359 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,483 Oh, it's embedded in the concrete. 360 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:34,929 So I gotta get a jackhammer. I gotta get my, uh, pipe fitting crews in here. 361 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,844 - How much? - Eighty grand, minimum. 362 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,924 Jesus Christ on a crutch. And there's no other alternative? 363 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,247 You can always have the girls take shorter showers. 364 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,722 Well, that seems like a reasonable solution. 365 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:50,009 Solution? That's not a solution. It's a bullshit stopgap. 366 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:52,321 - This needs to be addressed. - And it will be. 367 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:56,769 But we are dealing with a very serious deficit at the moment, as you know. 368 00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:00,322 Besides, there is an approved list of vendors that we work with. 369 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,688 It's a security issue. You understand. 370 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,922 Shit. Why fix the plumbing at all? 371 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:09,243 Let's just cut their food rations so they don't shit as much. 372 00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:12,648 I will crunch the numbers and get back to you on that. 373 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,286 Hey, who's gonna pay me for coming out here? 374 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:24,250 Chapman. 375 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:26,004 Can I talk to you for a minute? 376 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:27,650 Sure. 377 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,370 Close the door. 378 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:39,000 - Glad to see you're looking well. - Are you? 379 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,481 - Excuse me? - Nothing. 380 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:43,443 Thank you. 381 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:46,130 What can I do for you? 382 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,601 My grandmother is very ill. 383 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:51,410 I'm sorry to hear that. 384 00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:55,371 I know that you probably don't grant furlough for things like this. 385 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:59,604 And even if you did, I don't expect you would ever give it to me. 386 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:04,288 But I could not live with myself if I did not at least ask. 387 00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:08,684 Could you please give me furlough to see my grandmother? 388 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:10,808 Furlough. 389 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,561 Furlough is like the Loch Ness monster- 390 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,849 much discussed and rarely seen. 391 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,208 Don't you have the power to at least apply? 392 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,284 I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do to help you. 393 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:31,489 Is there something else? 394 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,562 No. Nope. That's it. 395 00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:40,885 You just stood there. 396 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:44,328 - What? - You stood there... 397 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,528 while she attacked me. 398 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,606 And then you gave her new teeth. 399 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:52,330 I was nowhere near the incident. 400 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,482 Ms. Doggett will corroborate, I assure you. 401 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,962 I know that I overstepped my bounds... 402 00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:02,682 but I-I- I could have been killed. 403 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,604 Were I there to intervene, I most certainly would have. 404 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:09,366 I'm sorry about your grandmother. Thanks for stopping by. 405 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,845 What do you mean? He's quitting? 406 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,763 Because of the Black Scarecrow? 407 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,208 The Black Scarecrow isn't even in his weight class. 408 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:25,489 And even if he was, he has a weakness. 409 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,040 He has a weakness. 410 00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:30,168 What is it this time, you think? 411 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,481 I don't know. I try not to listen. 412 00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:35,643 Ah, come on. There's no shame in being curious. 413 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:39,088 I wouldn't want people thinking I'm sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. 414 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:40,764 Yeah, but she could be in trouble. 415 00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:44,128 The Black Scarecrow could be trying to extort her for money or something. 416 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,771 Oh, no. The Black Scarecrow is a wrestler. 417 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,081 He was supposed to wrestle her son, but he's chickening out. 418 00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:52,881 - I thought you didn't listen. - I couldn't help it. 419 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,691 She was talking about wrestling while crying. 420 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:57,728 - Is he there? - It doesn't take much. 421 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,326 I once saw her crying reading a Garfield comic. 422 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,961 I wish I could give her her privacy, but it's my job to stand here. 423 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:07,965 That's fine. I mean, not everybody wants their privacy. 424 00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:09,525 I know I don't. 425 00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:11,011 Yeah? 426 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:16,120 Yeah. Well, I like privacy but not... alone privacy. 427 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,282 I'm not sure what that means. 428 00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:20,089 It means I work in electrical... 429 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,640 so I know all the spots where the cameras don't work. 430 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:26,321 If you're ever feeling curious about other things. 431 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,171 Do you have a phone call to make? 432 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:34,288 Because if not, I suggest you move on. 433 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,722 - Hey now, Fischer- - Now, inmate! 434 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:41,247 Huh? All right. Geez. 435 00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:45,325 But if he brings his own chair, he could really hurt him. 436 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,368 He could win... 437 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:52,128 and return glory to our family. 438 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,171 Ugh! Oh, man. 439 00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:00,129 - What is it? - Ugh! 440 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:03,488 Salt. They gave us special trays. 441 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:05,688 Them chili-shittin' bitches. 442 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:09,481 They fuckin' with us this way 'cause they know our people's predisposition for hypertension. 443 00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:12,171 - Man, they tryin' to kill us. - Ugh! 444 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,210 Well, what do y'all expect? Don't fuck with the cooks. 445 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:18,811 What? 446 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,326 Hey, why I got it like that? I didn't even do nothin'. 447 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,767 They're grouping us all together. 448 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,969 It's called racism, slow bird. Was you just born or something? 449 00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:28,565 Man, shut up. 450 00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:32,326 The secret is pretend the salt is sugar. 451 00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:35,765 Bennett, I got a question. 452 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,286 Would you rather live in a house with a cracked foundation... 453 00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:41,045 or one across from a parking lot where the lights never go off? 454 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:43,765 Neither. 455 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:45,649 But what if nothing else is in your price range? 456 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:48,570 Hey, I want a new tray. 457 00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:52,765 - Sorry. You get what you get. - That's bullshit! 458 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:54,330 - Hey! - You can't mess with my food. 459 00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:55,925 Janae, calm down. 460 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,525 - You cannot do that! - Fuck. 461 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,763 - Get off of me! - Shut up! 462 00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:06,889 - Are you all right? - Yeah. 463 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:08,564 Get off me! 464 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,120 - You wanna go down the hill? - No. 465 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,806 Then you cut that shit out. 466 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:15,882 You just lost commissary for a month, inmate. 467 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:38,169 You got a plan, or are you only trying to start shit? 468 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,083 I'm handling it. 469 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:43,562 You better. That's my granddaughter in there. 470 00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:56,850 - No. - No? Florecita. 471 00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:22,120 - Gloria Mendoza. - Yeah. 472 00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:25,204 - This is your business? - Yeah. 473 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:28,807 Miss Mendoza, I have a warrant for your arrest. 474 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:30,928 You're under arrest for fraud. 475 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,606 - What? - Put your hands behind your back. 476 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:35,210 Get her out of here. 477 00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:53,764 All right. Thank you. Thank you. 478 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,684 We've got Gabe Ronley on drums. 479 00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:59,240 We've got Joe Caputo on bass. 480 00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:00,845 John Glickman on guitar. 481 00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:05,369 - I'm Albert Roth, and we are Sideboob. - Yahoo! 482 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:09,405 This next song is called “The Sorcerers.” 483 00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,882 Otherwise known as “John Glickman is a Pedophile.” 484 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:14,644 Oh! 485 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,527 We go to prison 20% longer for the same crimes as white people. 486 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:35,001 They can stop and frisk us whenever they want. 487 00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:37,321 And now when some bitch fucks with our food... 488 00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:39,243 I'm the one who gets thrown on the ground? 489 00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:42,130 - This shit ain't right. - And don't forget they took your commissary. 490 00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:44,248 Be angry. Y'all need to be angry. 491 00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:46,721 Man, I would say we go on hunger strike... 492 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:48,689 but that shit's already happening. 493 00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:53,089 Oh. Look like somebody took a wrong turn... 494 00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:54,685 on the way to the barrio. 495 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:56,683 You and me in the bathroom now. 496 00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,605 - I'll come with you. - I got this. 497 00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,682 Oh, sh- She shouldn't go alone. 498 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:06,762 She'll be fine. Heel. 499 00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:11,289 Yeah. I put money on our girl over that beanbag bitch any day. 500 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:14,489 I don't know, man. Mendoza be on that coconut magic. 501 00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:16,324 She's like a bruja and shit. 502 00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:18,801 I'll show her come coconut magic. 503 00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:21,281 Put a coconut in my sock. Wham! 504 00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,328 Sock-a-nut, bitch. 505 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:27,964 I'm just playin'. 506 00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,971 You must got some real big feet. 507 00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:36,329 The fuckin' best song in this fucking band. 508 00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:38,129 You wanna know what it is? 509 00:35:38,240 --> 00:35:41,847 It's the one with the guys working in the fucking mine. 510 00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:46,767 That fuckin' song is like a classic fuckin' song. 511 00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:52,688 That fuckin' song is a song you hear on the fuckin' radio. 512 00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:57,641 Actually, that song is not about workers in the mine. 513 00:35:57,720 --> 00:35:59,882 - What do you mean? - It's a metaphor. 514 00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:02,486 Al wrote it about his vasectomy reversal. 515 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,403 - No shit. - Serious. 516 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:08,602 Hey, you guys got a CD? 517 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:10,682 Please tell me you got a fucking CD. 518 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:12,205 Look at this. 519 00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:15,045 What do you look for in a state senator? 520 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,203 - Mr. Fig. - Mr. Fig. 521 00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:22,560 “Look, the reason I'm the only one with a helmet... 522 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:24,165 is because I'm richer than you.” 523 00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:26,527 - -...who will fight for all New Yorkers. 524 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:30,605 “Oh, hammering that nail was hard. I'm pooped.” 525 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:32,646 “Whee!” 526 00:36:32,720 --> 00:36:34,404 - I'm Jason Figueroa. - There she is. 527 00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:39,202 Behind every strong man is a strong cunt-faced witch monster. 528 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:40,770 Let's get to work. 529 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:42,808 “Let's get to work.” 530 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,009 Let me ask you something. 531 00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,606 When you first started, Fig wasn't there, right? 532 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:51,160 You talked directly to the warden? 533 00:36:51,240 --> 00:36:53,641 Yeah. It was great. 534 00:36:53,720 --> 00:36:55,404 Actually, he was fucking terrifying. 535 00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,245 But at least when you talked to him, you were talking to a guy. 536 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:02,251 I hate talking about women's issues to women. It's... creepy. 537 00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,766 When you talked to him, did he give a shit? 538 00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:07,730 'Cause I would really like to report to someone... 539 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:12,010 who I felt gave a shit about these women we're meant to be taking care of. 540 00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:13,650 You want a tissue? 541 00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:15,961 No, I don't want a fuckin' tissue. I'm serious. 542 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:18,564 All right. 543 00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:22,167 I mean, think about the fucked-up year we're having. 544 00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:23,890 We are failing here. 545 00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:28,329 I can't even get approval to fix the fucking toilets. 546 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,490 I'm sorry, man. 547 00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:33,090 That's all right. 548 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:36,841 The least we should do... 549 00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:40,527 is keep these women safe and-and-and clean. 550 00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:44,047 You know, you're right. You're right. 551 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,248 - At least clean. - At least clean. 552 00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:47,890 At least the women in the kitchen. 553 00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:49,644 At least those women in the kitchen. 554 00:37:49,720 --> 00:37:51,848 Keep 'em fucking clean. 555 00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:53,729 Fuckin'-A. 556 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:55,848 Keep them fucking clean. 557 00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:03,247 Gloria, I was hoping that we could be friends. 558 00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:06,688 You wanna fuck with me? You don't wanna fuck with me. 559 00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:09,001 - I gave you cigarettes. - And I gave you cake. 560 00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:10,730 But that don't mean that we're friends. 561 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:13,690 And those cigarettes, they were fucking stale. 562 00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:15,762 Can we just talk about this like responsible- 563 00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:19,447 No, I'm not talking to you. I'm telling you. 564 00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:21,807 If any of your girls touches any of mine... 565 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:24,201 there's gonna be more than salt in your food next time. 566 00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:28,564 - Gloria- - You understand... me? 567 00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:34,564 Gloria, I don't want any trouble with you. 568 00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:37,086 I've been telling them, “Let's go use the Spanish bathroom. 569 00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:39,208 Suzanne can clean it.” She'll like that. 570 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:42,329 And then you and your girls can just take the ghetto bathroom. 571 00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:43,890 I'm on your side. 572 00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:47,123 Oh, you were gonna give us the bathroom? 573 00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:48,690 Bullshit, mama! 574 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:52,765 Because you- you don't got no bathroom to give. 575 00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,611 Oh, no, man. What the fuck is wrong with you? 576 00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:02,401 I'm too old for this shit. I'm just too old for this shit. That's what's wrong with me. 577 00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:06,408 Listen. I don't even know these girls, okay? 578 00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,801 And they want me to be some kind of den mother. 579 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:12,362 I'm trying to work with you, and all you're trying to do is run over me. 580 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,442 I'm trying to give you the bathroom, okay? 581 00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:16,329 I'm a good talker, but... 582 00:39:17,720 --> 00:39:20,007 I can't sell this shit unless you give me something. 583 00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,924 - You gotta give me something. And then- - Like what? 584 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,685 Taystee and Watson have been talking... 585 00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:29,088 about wanting to get transferred to custodial. 586 00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:31,811 - Custodial? - Yeah. They wanna be with their girl- 587 00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:33,689 their girl Cindy. 588 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,411 There are a couple of Spanish girls in custodial. 589 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:38,050 Maybe you could talk to Caputo... 590 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:41,249 and, you know, have them transferred to the- to the kitchen. 591 00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:45,571 Maybe I could work with that. 592 00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:48,962 Huh? Oh, fuck. Come on, man. 593 00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:52,529 Fine. 594 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:58,088 Show me you can clear the bathroom... 595 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,322 and then I'll talk to Caputo. 596 00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:05,090 And get yourself together... 597 00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:07,481 'cause, Jesus, I didn't even fucking hit you. 598 00:40:18,240 --> 00:40:20,720 Your attention, please. Sign-ups are available- 599 00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:22,325 Mr. Healy, you wanted to see me? 600 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:23,851 Door. 601 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,526 I'm submitting you for a three-day furlough. 602 00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:35,364 There are no guarantees... 603 00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:37,841 but I'm gonna do my best to try to push it forward. 604 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,844 Now, I'm assuming that you're gonna be staying with your fiancé. 605 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,048 I need to write down an address. 606 00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:46,049 Yes. Of course. 607 00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:52,366 - Would you like to call him to make sure? - I'll call right away. 608 00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:55,921 Thank you, Mr. Healy. 609 00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:58,924 I think it's only fair we give it a shot. 610 00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:01,002 It's the least we can do. 611 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,966 And, Chapman... 612 00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:09,168 I'm responsible for you. 613 00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,569 - Hey, Joe! - What's up, Healy? 614 00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:22,120 I had a lot of fun last night. You guys were amazing. 615 00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:23,850 Right. Thanks for coming out. 616 00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:25,564 I need you to sign this work transfer. 617 00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:27,688 I'm moving a couple of girls from custodial. 618 00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:30,366 Uh, Flores and, um, Sanchez. 619 00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:33,205 Okay. But won't that leave custodial shorthanded? 620 00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:35,328 Yeah. We'll figure that out. 621 00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:37,641 Mendoza needs help in the kitchen. 622 00:41:37,720 --> 00:41:39,210 Okay. 623 00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,681 I'm already looking forward to next Tuesday. 624 00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:44,842 - Right. - Sideboob Tuesdays! 625 00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:47,685 - Thanks, Healy. - Good seeing you, Ca-poo-dawg! 626 00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,285 Chang, are you confirming these bangs... 627 00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:55,850 or you're just taking her word for it? 628 00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:58,844 I don't smell fingers. I just write numbers. 629 00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:02,402 She got five points. You- zilch-oh. 630 00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,962 It's been three days. Unless she's cloning herself, that seems highly unlikely. 631 00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:09,681 - It's just a game, Nichols. - Yeah, well, it's not a game unless it's being played fairly. 632 00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,524 What's that smell? 633 00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:13,967 Nichols, you got a new fragrance? 634 00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:16,486 Oh, yeah. That's desperation. 635 00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:20,246 Honey, you might wanna wash, because girls turn right off when they smell that. 636 00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:24,722 My finger smells like an old tennis ball. 637 00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:26,370 God, I screwed myself. 638 00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:28,881 Two days I wasted on Officer Twat Tease. 639 00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,361 - You were too ambitious. - I was arrogant. 640 00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:32,965 It's a classic story of hubris. 641 00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,850 I'm like Icarus, whose wings melted before he could fuck the sun. 642 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:39,322 You could always tell people she got herpes. 643 00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:41,528 That's good, isn't it? Yeah? 644 00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:46,128 People always forget to remember I'm tricksy. Huh? 645 00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,601 - It ain't over yet. - Ah, it's not over till it's over. 646 00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:51,923 - Oh, I love that song. - Ah, but herpes is way too pedestrian. 647 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:56,050 - Maybe I'll say it's that new super gonorrhea. - Oh, yeah. I read about that. 648 00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,288 - Excuse me, sir. - Oh, Fischer. Good morning. 649 00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:01,806 Good morning, sir. Do you mind if I ask you a question? 650 00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:04,645 - Of course. - It's about our surveillance. 651 00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:10,249 If it's about our video cameras, they all work. 652 00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,368 That's what you should tell the inmates. 653 00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:14,602 Oh. No. It's about our phones. 654 00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:16,762 Do we have anyone who monitors inmate calls? 655 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:19,650 Well, it's all recorded in a computer. 656 00:43:19,720 --> 00:43:23,202 We only review it when there's a reason. 657 00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,726 Don't you think we should do random check-ins? 658 00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,644 Yes. And we do. 659 00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:32,242 Again, they should think we do. 660 00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:34,243 But it's not exactly a priority... 661 00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:37,369 and half those conversations are in Spanish. 662 00:43:40,720 --> 00:43:47,569 Yo hablo espanõl muy bueno, sir. 663 00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:01,010 Hello. 664 00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:03,321 An inmate from Litchfield Federal Prison is attempting to contact you. 665 00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,290 To accept this call, please press 1. 666 00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:11,964 - Larry? - Yes. Is everything all right? 667 00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:14,281 Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine. 668 00:44:15,240 --> 00:44:16,765 Is this a good time? 669 00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:18,370 Of course. 670 00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:23,570 My dad, uh, he told me about Chicago and the SHU. 671 00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,684 God, Piper, I'm- I'm so sorry. 672 00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:29,444 It's not your fault. 673 00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:31,324 Are you sure that this is a good time? 674 00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:32,925 It sounds like you're going somewhere. 675 00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:34,843 No, no. I'm, uh- I'm heading home. 676 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:38,447 I was with- I was with Polly. We finally had a bagnut. 677 00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:40,010 What's a bagnut? 678 00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:42,003 It's like a bagel crossed with a doughnut. 679 00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,890 It's this... big craze right now. 680 00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:48,521 So we had to wait in line for, like, two hours for it. 681 00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:50,602 Turns out it's a bagel with frosting on it. 682 00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:53,445 I forgot what it's like to have all that freedom to waste. 683 00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:57,525 Yep. I waste my freedom, but I bring my own cup to Stumptown. 684 00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:06,085 Piper, why-why didn't you call sooner? 685 00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:07,605 We broke up. 686 00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:12,770 And I guess I've been imagining I can be this person... 687 00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:15,161 who doesn't depend on anybody... 688 00:45:16,720 --> 00:45:19,371 or lets anybody depend on me. 689 00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,282 It's nice to hear your voice. 690 00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:28,567 Yeah, it's nice to hear your voice. 691 00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:33,162 I've missed you. 692 00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:37,802 I've missed you too, Larry. 693 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,571 It's not that bad. 694 00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:48,125 Man! 695 00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:50,009 Now we don't have to share with anyone. 696 00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:51,764 Segregation. Awesome. 697 00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:53,808 Separate but way shittier. 698 00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:56,042 Well, this is better in the long run- 699 00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:58,327 our own bathroom that we control. 700 00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:01,842 “Showers will be limited to 30 seconds”? 701 00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:04,924 Man, I can't even wash my twat in that amount of time. 702 00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:06,843 - What? Vee! - Trust me, baby girl. 703 00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:10,641 Man, I don't care. As long as I don't have to wait in line anymore. 704 00:46:10,720 --> 00:46:13,371 I get one more shot for being late, I'm back in SHU. 705 00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:16,523 - I can't fucking handle that. - You late. I'm late. 706 00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:20,446 Maybe black folks do got a problem with being punctual. 707 00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,967 Taystee, Watson, about your work assignments- 708 00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:25,565 gonna be a little change. 709 00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:33,968 - So, she's one today? - Yeah. 710 00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:35,883 Why don't nobody bring her to visit? 711 00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:37,644 What, from Massachusetts? Forget it. 712 00:46:37,720 --> 00:46:40,564 You see? I told you you're lucky your boyfriend's so close. 713 00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:43,723 Her kids are in Massachusetts, and Gloria's kids is all the way in fuckin' Florida. 714 00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:46,246 - Really? - Yeah. The two boys are with their tía. 715 00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:48,800 The two older girls are still in New York, but they never visit. 716 00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:50,370 You guys wanna see this? 717 00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:52,169 - Yeah. - All right. 718 00:46:52,240 --> 00:46:54,322 I got the wax from melting crayons... 719 00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:56,243 and Dayanara drew the picture of St. Anthony. 720 00:46:56,320 --> 00:47:00,723 You pray to him for protection and strength and justice for us and for baby- 721 00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:02,370 Juliana-Fernanda. 722 00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:04,488 - What's the orisha name for St. Anthony? - Orisha? 723 00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:07,530 All the saints had, like, stage names for the booga booga gods... 724 00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:11,446 'cause the plantation owners, they don't want the slaves worshipping no more. 725 00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:14,410 The orisha is named Elegua. 726 00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:18,326 - Yo, how'd you make the wick? - I'll give you one guess. 727 00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:21,051 Do you really, like, believe in this, like, for real? 728 00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:22,645 - You Catholic? - Yeah. 729 00:47:22,720 --> 00:47:24,643 Well, this is Catholic plus. 730 00:47:24,720 --> 00:47:26,370 Look, my tie? says it doesn't matter... 731 00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:29,489 if you're praying to a giant cross or to an itty-bitty stick. 732 00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:32,530 It's the faith that you put in it that counts. 733 00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:35,968 Yeah, but do you believe in, like, spells and magic and shit? 734 00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:39,562 I believe I can use all the help I can get. 735 00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:42,769 - You're getting new girls in the kitchen? - You're not allowed back here. 736 00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:45,008 - Did you put in a request? - What if I did? 737 00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:47,447 We need the extra help to keep up with the demand. 738 00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:49,602 - She put you up to this. - She? 739 00:47:49,720 --> 00:47:51,370 Vee. 740 00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:53,522 You got this scuttlebutt ass backwards, Red. 741 00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:55,927 Gloria went in there and told that bitch what's what. 742 00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:57,525 She played you. 743 00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,604 You have no idea what you've done. 744 00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:16,163 We gotta start prepping for dinner. 745 00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:20,883 - Aren't you supposed to keep it lit? - You're kidding. 746 00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:24,084 This shit is dangerous. 747 00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:01,850 Huh. 748 00:49:17,720 --> 00:49:19,051 Aah! 749 00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:36,282 No. No, no, no, no. 750 00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:42,924 Oh, no, no! Fuck! Fuck. 751 00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:56,400 Ripped By mstoll